English translation:

In our previuos issue, Atrocity frontman Krulle was willing to provide information about various incidents related to Satanism and Norway. Now it was time to interview a band from the orbit of this cult-like group of imbeciles. Ted Skjellum from DARK THRONE seemed to be the right man, even though their new LP “Under A Funeral Moon” doesn’t live up to expectations.

Unfortunately, my conversation with Ted ended up being rather disappointing, as the man hates interviews and certainly doesn’t like being asked about the Norwegian scene. Well, I can only counter that with the saying “The spirits that I’ve cited…”, because after all DARK THRONE were pretty much the first ones who clearly committed themselves to the burgeoning Black Metal movement. So here are the few useful statements from Ted, and I assure you that this was the last time this idiot has been given space in our magazine.

Ted, your new album is actually 80 percent more or less pointless blasting; Personally, I sorely miss the brilliant, slow Black Metal anthems of your previous album “A Blaze In The Northern Sky”. Why this change?

“We just felt like it. The music reflects our feelings at the time of recording.”

You seem to have been quite aggressive at that time

“We actually always are.”

You said in a former interview you hope ‘as many people as possible will hate our album’. The opposite happened though, because “A Blaze In The Northern Sky” sold far better than your debut. That must be very frustrating to you…

“That’s right. That’s why it’s going to be two years before our next album comes out, and after that we will split up. I just want to make music for myself. I’ll be recording demos, which will be released in a single copy, so that only I can listen to it at home, and nobody else. The point is, we just sell too many records. I hate it when people, who buy Obituary or Morbid Angel, also get our records.”

What do you have against bands like Obituary?

“I don’t know. These bands all seem to know and like each other, they have fun when touring together; that’s gross. I’d rather live alone in the mountains of Norway. I don’t need a lot of friends, and I’m not at all interested in meeting other bands.”

It is said, however, that you are in close contact with the Norwegian Satanist scene. What’s going on there at the moment?

“No comment.”

You must have an opinion about what happened.

“I don’t care what other people do or think. I think it’s okay when churches are burned down, because it scares off the so-called Christians. Actually there are no real Christians anymore, only people who believe they are Christian. In my opinion, it’s okay if people are killed, because there are too many people on this planet anyway. That’s why I welcome the war in former Yugoslavia, for example. I also think it’s right what the Satanist scene in Norway is doing, even if I don’t take part in their activities myself. I prefer to live in peace in my village of 200 people.”

So you’re okay with harmless bands like Paradise Lost, who just want to play music, being attacked by satanists for whatever reason?

“I don’t care about other bands.”

Euronymus of Mayhem claims you betrayed black metal; you would no longer be fully committed to the ‘Satanist doctrine’, but would have switched to a different camp.

“Bullshit. We’ve never belonged to any camps. Why should we be part of a certain scene? That’s nonsense. I prefer living alone.”

Don’t you think all this satanic stuff is pretty fascist in its core?

“I don’t care. Can’t we change the subject? I’m bored with your questions.”

Great, ’cause I can’t listen to your senseless, insane babble anymore either. Goodbye!

“Yes, fuck off.”

Gladly, and I promise you’ll never hear from me again. The most I can do for you is to replace your brain with a healthy donor brain, so that no more people have to deal with your idiotic statements…

Seriously, I don’t believe that DARK THRONE just want to create a certain image. Apparently they’re nuts indeed. That being said, one should actually boycott their records, even if they may be musically genius. Contrary to mentally retarded pricks like Mayhem’s Euronymus, the DARK THRONE people do come across as genuinely dangerous, as they obviously have far more influence on the mindsets of their fans than Ted was willing to admit here. This has to be prevented!